The epitome of tardness

The Nipple and the Egg

2007-10-30T00:16:00.001+01:00

It was a chilly autumn day. The air was clean and crisp, full of promise of the snow that unevitably is coming. All was peaceful, but as we all know there is always calm before the storm...

Nipple is a good ninja, working with fine precision. He was doing is everyday routine with his Alpha female this morning, and knew nothing of the hazard coming their way.

There! He spots it! This evil monstrosity that is out to get everything he holds dear! What is this creature? It must be some threat from another galaxy! I must kill it with all my might! says Nippledog.

It tries to escape? Oh my, this is a cunning little thing... But no one can outsmart a Nipple! He has the power of flingy limbs, and he is as sharp as the egg he chases.

Suddenly a young vixen appears! What are thee? asks Nipple. Turns out it is a damsel in distress! Oh no,The Blue Possessed Alien Egg has come to reep our young of their souls and take over the EarthPlanet!

I shall protect her with all my might, he promises, and goes off on the hunt. You are a slippery little sucker, but I will stalk you down if it is the last thing I do. Resistance is futile!

Halt! You have been exposed, you must stop and hand over all your accompliceseseses!
But the Evil Egg still goes a runnin', oblivious to the power of the Nipple. Now a refugee on a strange planet, running on instinct, high on adrenaline. Yes, the most dangerous state of all eggs...

You dare to go after my momma?! Oh, you really have some eggs don't you?!

I shall use my flingy limbs to capture you, for they are my special power! Hah! You have met your match, and shall soon be Blue Omelet.

And finally... In this exact moment... He finishes off Earths biggest threat. So quick even the camera can't focus on him. With his impeccible strength and precision you can see he even bends gravity.

The Damsel willingly shows her gratitude, showering him with kisses and drowns him in adoration. Which he well deserves. Of course he gives her a peck on the cheek, so she knows she is loved, and that she is now safe from harm.

Millions of lives were saved this day, most oblivious to the fact that there is a Nipple that risks his life every part of the day so we all can sleep safe at night. He should be adored as the hero, protector and all time hunk that he is. You can breath easy, go do your every day stuff knowing nothing bad is going to happen. Until next time....

All bow to the allmighty! I give you, Nippledog!

Stacking 101

2007-10-22T15:39:00.000+02:00

Watch and learn my fellow doggies. Töddel here to make your life easier.
As we all know, stacking sucks. I'm pretty enough as is, and we all know it. 'cept for Alpha Female of course. *insert eyeroll*
It is quite easy to avoid endless sessions of boredom like stacking. Here's what you do:
1. Behave like an ass. This comes naturally to me. For "trained" dogs (aka brainwashed) it might take some getting used to.

2. If the "handler" (HAH!) is trying to give silly commands like stand or stay or something? Just shake your head and do the hokey pokey.

3. The "handler" should be about ready to pop by now. For once this is a good thing! This is when you try to fly while still on leash.

So where does this get me you might ask?
Well, if all goes as planned. Your AlphaWhatever will be so tired of your shenanigans they'll probably let you off leash just to get a break from you! I marvel at the beauty of my cunning mind!
But wait! This isn't all! There is one final thing you have to do, and this is pretty much the secret of tricking humans to do anything. Give them what they want. If only just for a second. Seriously, humans are stoopid.

PS: If you need to learn only one thing in life, make sure it's the recall. It will give you taste of freedom like you wouldn't believe.

Thus ends my lession.

He who laughs last, laughs the loudest,

2007-09-14T17:36:00.000+02:00

or he explodes in a technicolor yawn.

Treat me tenderloin

2007-09-13T17:05:00.000+02:00

You can lean on me.

2007-09-13T15:32:00.000+02:00

Pain in the ass puppy

2007-09-10T12:54:00.000+02:00

is what they said to, and about me while cussing. But come on, I was cool as an igloo. I just liked to do what I wanted. At high speed. With force. And tenacity. In drive. Biting, always biting. Never letting go.
In the middle of all that I posed. And they said I was pretty. Might have saved my life that.

I float

2007-09-10T11:41:00.000+02:00

Therefor I am.

Cap'n Tardo

2007-09-10T11:39:00.000+02:00

The nerve of it all. Don't they know my best side is the left?

I hope you sleep well

2007-09-10T11:31:00.000+02:00

This is me and my friend Aro. He had Mystery Disease and had to go to bye bye.
I want to pluck your hair in play, but I'd rather you sleep and not be so sad anymore. I think you dream of food and friends.

T'is I.

2007-09-10T11:06:00.000+02:00

Lo and behold. Me. The Töddel. In all my greatness. I am full of myself, so love me and adore me.